I’m Streaming of an Un-White Christmas

Every year, when I was a kid, my Mexican family celebrated Christmas in the same labor-intensive but absolutely delicious way. Dad would buy 40-pounds of masa fina para tortillas along with an almost equal amount of pork and beef, dried chilis, several bags of corn husks and enough manteca to coat the entire outside and inside of the house in lard. Thus we would begin the annual holiday ritual of making enough tamales to feed our large extended family, all the neighbors plus all the starving kids in Africa, India and China.

Beginning on Christmas Eve until Easter, we ate tamales for breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snacks. Who cared if our HDL and LDL cholesterol numbers were higher than our zip code? So what if we had to buy our summer clothes at Tent city? Tamales meant Christmas to us. I’m sure Jesus, Mary and Joseph would have appreciated it more if one of the Three Wise Guys had brought them an olla full of warm tamales rather than myrrh. What the hell is myrrh anyway and what good is it in a freezing stable in Bethlehem on Christmas Day?

But of course, the other tradition was watching our three favorite Christmas films: Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol and It’s A Wonderful Life. All the years I watched those and other beloved “White” Christmas movies, it didn’t dawn on me: “Hey, how come no Latino Christmas films?” We can linguistically claim Christmas is a Latino holiday. Baby Jesus has a uniquely Hispanic first name. As far as I know, there are no Jews, Muslims, Amish, Upper Patagonians or Anglo-Saxon Protestants named Jesus. 

I have a cousin named Jesus. Hell, all Chicanos have a cousin named Jesus. Jesus had long hair, a beard and hung out with twelve dudes. So did my cousin, Jesus, until he got busted on some exotic “import, export” charges and is doing hard time in Huntsville where they don’t show Christmas movies of any kind.

Now that I have established a dubious cultural Latino link to Christmas, here are three Latino-themed holiday flicks to consider adding to your viewing list:

NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS

This dramedy deals with a Puerto Rican family facing what may be their last Christmas together.

Stars: John Legizamo, Luis Guzman, Freddy Rodriguez, Alfred Molina, Jay Hernandez, Debra Messing, Elizabeth Peña. Written by:

EL CAMINO CHRISTMAS

In this wacky comedy crime film, some unlucky liquor store mart customers find themselves being shot at by a drunk local cop.

Stars: Kentwood Smith, Dax Shepard, Jessica Alba, Hope Diaz

HOLIDAY IN HANDCUFFS

A struggling artist working as a waitress kidnaps one of her customers to bring home to meet her parents at Christmas.

Stars: Melissa Joan Hart, Mario Lopez, Timothy Bottoms, Markie Post

None of the movies cited here will ever find their way into the sacred canon of traditional holiday movies. But our day will come. As Latino Hollywood continues to make inroads in telling our stories on streaming platforms, movies, TV and theater, our Latino Christmas traditions will find their way into the collective unconscious of our increasingly diverse country.

All three films featured are currently streaming on Amazon Prime Video.

¡Feliz Navidad! Don’t eat too many tamales. Save some room for the flan and capirotada.

Featured Photo: Mario Lopez in Holyday in Handcuffs (Photo: ABC Family/Freeform)